By Lorna Tan

With Valentine's Day just six days away, it's an opportune time to consider the costs and benefits of love. As much as most of us would like to think of love in non-monetary terms, love, or the lack of it, does have an impact on us financially.

After all, financial disasters are not always triggered by bad investments. The choice of your life partner and how you nurture that relationship could have a critical bearing on your financial happiness too.

Divorced couples can attest to that. Businessman Lionel Lim, 45, says that if he has any regret in his life, it would be his failed marriage, which lasted 10 years.

As a result of the divorce, he had to sell his matrimonial home so that the proceeds could be divided between him and his former wife. But as the property market was down in 2000, he ended up losing about $300,000. On top of that, he is obliged to support his child by way of alimony cheques to the tune of $2,000 a month.

Mr Lim attributes his failed marriage to his not spending enough time with his family as his business always took priority. He adds that if he could turn back the clock, he would have worked harder at the marriage. It had not occurred to him how much a failed marriage would set him back financially.

The winners in all divorces are usually the lawyers. In Mr Lim's case, the legal fees he forked out to the lawyer handling his divorce totalled $43,000.

Mr Lim is not alone. Many married couples fall into a state of complacency after the honeymoon years are over. A globalised economy means long working hours and a busy travelling schedule, obstacles that work against a long-lasting marriage. And the financial damages from a failed marriage can be devastating, as we can see from Mr Lim's case.

During the recent Chinese New Year celebrations, I learnt that two of my goddaughters, both in their mid-20s, will be married within one month of each other later this year. And in my office, two colleagues, also in their 20s, will be tying the knot this year.

I like to call a spade a spade, so even as I offered them my best wishes, I couldn't help cautioning them that marriage is hard work.

I didn't mean to be rude, but trust me when I say it's better to go into a lifelong partnership with eyes wide open than to do it on just a romantic impulse that will run its course after a year or two.

'Happily ever after' exists only in fairy tales. In reality, there will be days when you don't see eye to eye with your spouse and actions fall short of expectations. Worse still if there are unwelcome pressures from 'well-meaning' in-laws who may eventually become 'out-laws'.

Money matters typically top the list of grouses between husband and wife. So financial issues should always be sorted out even before marriage. Among other finance-related issues, it helps if financial objectives and expectations on who pays for what are clearly spelt out.

For instance, when I got married 20 years ago, I sought the understanding of my husband that part of my savings would go towards sponsoring my younger brother's overseas law degree. As the eldest child in my family, I have a heavier burden of supplementing my family income.

Both my husband and I are disciplined savers. So we decided from the outset that we would maintain separate accounts as it would be easier to track our own expenditure and savings that way. But that doesn't stop us from combining our savings when the need arises.

After all, when couples combine their resources, they are in a stronger position to take advantage of financial deals and plan for contingencies. And we have done that by combining our finances to buy big-ticket items such as properties.

And when it comes to insurance planning, we believe in taking a big-picture approach, which means working out the protection needs of our entire family of four (we have two teenage children) to decide the kind of cover we require, such as critical illness, partial disability and adequate life cover.

The same goes for financial planning when we look at saving for our children's tertiary education, investments, projected time horizons and retirement needs.

But all this is possible only if couples stay together. To do that, we cannot underestimate the importance of making time with our significant others.

Whether or not we mark this day of love on Saturday, it is a timely reminder for us not to take our loved ones for granted.

Like most investments, our personal relationships need constant checks and balances too. I guess if we were doing it right, we wouldn't need Valentine's Day to remind us that love needs working on. But just in case we are guilty of not doing that, let's take a hard look at that department. Have we been showing our love and appreciation to our other halves? When was the last time we 'wasted' time with each other rather than have a quick 'How's your work today' exchange?

So to all couples out there, let me wish you a happy Valentine's Day and good luck on your journey of love.

This article was first published in The Straits Times on February 08, 2009.